Desperate Times (Izzie)

[casperfritz]

The sun cut through the trees, leaving a dappled pattern of grays and muted greens scattered on the ground. The pale winters light filtered through in spots, giving it flashes of bright gold. The artist in Casper couldn't quite let that go to waste. He'd been standing in his class, looking out the window and sipping on a luke warm cup of coffee, reflecting on what had brought him to where he was. It was a hard pill to swallow, even after a month of time to get used to it. He longed to be back in NYC, he'd felt more alive there, more like he was on the right path, that things were going, finally, the way they were meant to for him. But at the same time, this was the place for him right now, so long as he could help his father, he would. And though it was hardly glamorous and was far from what he had been starting to get get used too, it was the right place for him. As it was though, teaching juvenile delinquents how to draw still lifes of fruit in a bowl was hardly what he'd call riveting. It was far from what he longed to be doing. So when the colours and intricate swirls of the light caught his eye, he couldn't help himself. After all, art wasn't something he'd done only to make a living, it was a part of who he was.

Grabbing a half filled sketch book and his kit of coloured pencils, he abandoned the coffee and headed outside to the copse of trees that dotted the edges of the soccer field. He would have preferred his paints, but this was the option that made the most sense given his surroundings. Casper settled onto the ground, opening the sketch book to an empty page. He placed the book on his lap, letting his fingers caress the heavy paper. Was there really anything better than the smell an feel of the thick parchment? He didn't think so. Picking out his colours, he bent down over the page, his fingers quickly beginning to sketch out the lines and shadings and slight colour variations in the scene in front of him, oblivious to everything else. [/size]

[Izabelle "Izzie" Fritz]

Izabelle Fritz was really a simple creature. Sure, sometimes her emotions got the best of her and she over thought things, and sometimes she made mistakes while raising her child. She wasn't perfect.. but she was simple. So when something upset her, she did something very simple. She baked. Well, the idea of what she was doing was simple, but very rarely did she bake anything simple. Except today. Sugar cookies. That was simple, right? Wrong. Icing and piping bags and little sprinkles and all kinds of other decorating items littered the kitchen counters, her five-year-old son having fun drawing little pictures on the palm of his hand with whatever color icing his mother wasn't using at the moment, then licking it off. Izzie couldn't help but be reminded of his father when he drew. Sure, it was kids drawings, but.. Art was art and art reminded her of Casper, especially when Desmond did it.

After Izzie was done making the cookies and they were set out to let the icing dry, and her son had eaten about a pound of icing, she grabbed his backpack, digging out a soccer ball for him then handed it to him, helping him put on his coat, then she put on hers and they were out the door. She didn't stop her son from running around and talking to people, then just as fast as he'd started talking to them he ran off and was kicking the soccer ball around. She just followed a little bit behind, her hands in the pockets of her hoodie as she watched her son play. All was going good until he kicked the hell out of the ball, into the back of someone who was sitting on the grounds head. "Shit." She said under her breath and began jogging over to the guy, her son flat out running at him. They got there about the same time. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry. I didn't notice he was kicking it in you diraction until it was too late." "Hi! I'm sorry! That's a pretty picture, mister! Do you want to play soccer with me?!" They were both talking at the same time, and after they stopped, and Izzie looked at the man, she stared. After a moment she picked up the ball, and handed it to her son. "Go play." He looked confused, but he nodded and ran away to go play. Izzie straightened up. "Hello, Casper."

[casperfritz]

Casper was intent on his paper, in these moments, nothing else really existed for him. It didn't really matter that he wasn't sketching for any particular reason, or that no one else would ever see it, it helped to calm him, helped to get things in perspective. And more than that, he just genuinely loved it. It was hard for Casper to be in a bad mood with charcoal in hand. That was, unless something disrupted him. Even then he still considered himself a fairly easy going guy, but when a ball smacked into his back, sending the few pencils he'd balanced on his knee to the ground, his patience was severely tried. Whipping his head around, he was prepared to tell off whatever idiot student couldn't aim a ball, but instead he was looking at a small child who immediately started babbling at him. It wasn't the kid he was focused on though, because as the child ran at him, so did the woman. And it was her his blue eyes were glued on, a look of mingled surprise and confusion on his face.

He hadn't thought he'd really run into her again, not unless one of them reached out to the other to regain contact. The world was too big, their lives too different. What were the chances? He looked over as the small child scurried off to play, his confusion over they boy taking second stage to his confusion over Izabelle's presence here. “Hello Izzie” He looked up into the familiar eyes of his wife.. no, wrong, ex wife, trying to come up with the appropriate response here. As much as he considered himself rather patient, Casper would say he was fairly unflappable as well, but he was at a loss for words. One thing he could be sure of, was that he didn't like being on the ground while she stood above him. The mixture of emotions at seeing her again were muddled, but the bitter and disgruntled fighting from the last few months of their marriage were the ones closet to the surface, and old habits die hard, he didn't want her to have the metaphorical upper hand, standing over him. He placed the sketchbook on the ground, getting to his feet gracefully. The moment hadn't made it any clearler to him, he still had no idea what he was expected to say or do. He settled on civility, when in doubt it was a good option. He gave her a rather stiff, formal hug, a quick squeeze of the shoulders and stepped back, his hands in his pockets. “ This is a bit of a surprise...”[/size]

[Izabelle "Izzie" Fritz]

Izzie gave a small smile at Casper, then stepped back as he went to stood up.. The hug she was not expecting. Sure, their last words to each other weren't, in fact, "go die in a hole" but.. their goodbyes had been tired, worn out and drained, like they just didn't want to do it anymore, didn't want to fight anymore and if they had to be divorced to not fight anymore then fine, so what did it matter if they loved each other, clearly they wanted different things. It was better to end it before one of them cheated on the other one.

Except Izzie didn't have it in her to cheat on Casper, she loved him too much, even to this day when they hadn't spoken in years she still loved him. No matter how hard she tried to make it go away it never would. Stupid love. Stupid emotions. Stupid, stupid Casper and his stupid blue eyes and his idiot smile and those stupidly awesome art skills and all the stupid things he still had that were the reasons she'd fallen in love with him in sigh school. Stupid high school.

But she hugged back. She wanted a real hug.. She wanted to be lying with him on the hood of his car, under a blanket with her head on his chest and just be so in love with none of the crap that had happened. She wanted it to be easy again. She wanted to still be married to him. But she guessed this way was best, he was.. doing his art, she had a child.. everyone was happy. Right? No. Not right. She nodded at his words, and ran a hand through her hair, looking over at her son, talking to a student that seemed to be teaching him how to play soccer and different kicks and stuff. She looked back at Casper. Stupid, floppy, cute hair. "Anyway.. I'm sorry about the ball. I'll let you get back to drawing. Maybe we can catch up sometime." Or never. Izzie knew catching up would meaning ripping her heart out because Casper had probably moved on. She turned and started walking towards her son. "Des, come on, lets get inside." Code for she wanted to get the hell away from Casper before he dug up all the old emotions and memories. Desmond looked up, and frown. "Isn't he gonna play with me?" The child was pointing to Casper. Izzie opened her mouth to speak, but was at a lost. Either.. say no and break her child's heart.. or say yes and Casper would realize just how much the child looked like him. No parenting book in the world told you how to handle this shit.

[casperfritz]

Casper frowned slightly, he knew Izzie. No matter how long they were separated, no matter what their feelings were towards each other when they divorced, she was still his Izzie. He knew her as much as he knew himself. He had to stop that train of thought. She wasn't his Izzie, not anymore, not for a long time. And he had to admit, he clearly didn't know her as well as he thought he had... otherwise they would never have gotten divorced, because he would have known that she would push the family thing, known that she would be single minded and obsessed about it, and they could have just avoided the whole thing entirely and saved themselves both a lot of heartache. No, wait, he couldn't go down that road either, he'd spent way too much time delving into the whys and hows of the breakdown of their marriage. It wasn't something he was keep to open up again. But the fact remained, he still knew her face well enough to tell when she was upset, especially when she wasn't letting it really show. She was wearing that face now. It was to be expected of course, the whole thing was, well, it was a little shocking to be sure. When you go through the things they had, the emotional slop that came with seeing each other again was better if you were prepared for it, or so he would have imagined. Still, he didn't really like seeing her looking upset, but they were long, long past the time when he was able to make things better for her.

Casper knew very well, his mind was babbling, mainly so his mouth wouldn't. Instead, they just stood there in silence for a minute, and he took the time to look at her. She hadn't changed much, not really. Though four years wasn't a lifetime, so it wasn't all that surprising. She still had those same beautiful eyes, the delicate face he couldn't help but want to draw every time he looked at her, and that mouth. It was her smile that had really made him fall, back in high school, so many years ago that it hardly seemed like the same lifetime. She wasn't smiling now though.. really, it felt like it had been far longer than the past four years since he'd seen her smile. The moment passed, and she was making an excuse to leave, not that he blamed her, it was an uncomfortable situation at best, but he wished she wouldn't. Perhaps enough time had passed that they could reassemble something.. some kind of friendship from the ashes of their marriage. Especially if they would be seeing each other frequently. Which he assumed they would, given that there wasn't really another reason for her to be on the Blackwoods grounds other than if she worked there. He was once again boggled at what a small world it could be.

His attention was drawn back to the child, the one he'd so easily dismissed in light of seeing her again, and his thoughts about her being upset, about wanting her to stay, to talk now, left his head in a rush. The boy spoke and pointed at him, but Casper wasn't really listening. He was looking at the child, the way he stood, the flash of his blue eyes, he looked back to Izzie, his look more calculating than before. When he looked at the child, he saw a small Izabelle, in the way he carried himself, the shape of his face. Yes, a second glance definitely concluded that it was Izzie's child. Why else would she be there with him? Casper's lips drew into a pinched purse, the precursor that usually told people he was getting ready to loose his shit. How old was the kid? Casper was no good with kids, and guessing their ages was not something he would count among his strengths. But he would guess between three and five... Exactly how long did she wait before finding someone else to make up her perfect little fairy tale family? Did she even wait for the ink to dry on the divorce papers? Or hell, maybe it was well before that. Old arguments and screaming matches rustled in the back of his head, and he could already feel the deja vu in the air. No. Don't go there Casper. Just another road he didn't want to walk down again. Izzie was standing there, looking like a fish out of water, her mouth hanging open as if she couldn't find words. His lips relaxed into a neutral line, though he could do nothing to hide the accusatory glint in his eye. He simply shook his head “Right... not sure I'll be taking you up on the whole 'let's catch up' thing”[/size]

[Izabelle "Izzie" Fritz]

Izzie heard Casper speak, and she looked over at him, not even trying to hide the sadness in her eyes. This is why she never told Casper about Desmond in the first place. He didn't want kids, he's made that clear. And he was making it clear now that he still didn't want them, even if he happened to have one. Casper looked at the world and saw things.. beautiful things Izzie never saw. He could see them and spew them onto a piece of a paper and that was the only way Izzie ever saw the beauty that Casper did. He was so damn smart, too. Not that she was stupid, she just wasn't as smart as him. Or at least she never felt like she was, which was probably her own fault, it's not that Casper ever tried to make her feel stupid. So if he saw things.. and he was so smart.. why the f*ck couldn't he look at his own damn child and notice his damn features in the childs. Why was he being so damn stupid?

"No.. of course not." Why the hell would he want to find out the story or prehaps meet his son? Why would he want his son to have a man he could look up to in this world? Why would he want to be a father, especially with her as the mother. Izzie looked back at her son, holding out her hand. "You can come play later, when there aren't as many people around." Her son looked up at the student sadly, who shrugged then said something about he'd play with Desmond later, and called him little man. Izzie smiled at him and mouthed a thank you for being kind, even though no high schooler wanted to hang out with a five year old. Or at least she wouldn't have wanted to. Soon Izzie and Desmond were walking away hand and hand, and he was chattering away. Once they were out of ear shot, Izzie dropped to her knees and whispered something to her child.

A moment later Desmond was handing the ball to his mother and jogging back to the man who he'd kicked the balling into. "My mommy says you knew her years ago, before I was born, but that you're a nice man, and told me to come introduce myself. I'm Desmond Casper Valentine Fritz, I'm five years old and my favorite color is white! She says I can't talk to you long but to give you this." And with that the small child hugged his father around the legs, then turned and ran back to his mother, calling out as he ran towards her. "Hey mom, can I have one of the snowflake sugar cookies?" Because God forbid Desmond have worked off the sugar he already ate before he ate more.

______________________
I don't know the kids age. Say four and a half or whatever. XD

[casperfritz]

Casper watched as Izzie started to walk away, his head shaking again. He was not going to feel bad about the look in her eyes when he’d told her that he probably wasn’t going to jump on the chance to catch up. Not when there was a small pint sized version of her running over to talk to her, what would she expect? Sure, when they signed their papers, they were both done. Done with marriage, with each other. But he assumed that like him, Izzie had still had a period of mourning, a time to reflect on their relationship, the life they had built with each other. He knew that she would move on, it was natural, they both would have, but to see the evidence in front of him of how quickly she must have gotten over it, how quickly she would have jumped to being with someone else, well that was a hard pill to swallow. There was a pang of something in his stomach other than anger as he watched he bend over to talk to the child. It was, not regret exactly, but something like it. Though he’d known from the moment the divorce papers were drafted up, this just proved it beyond any doubt. She wasn’t his Izzie at all anymore.



He was about to turn and go back to sitting down with his sketchbook, the calm and serenity it would bring even more required now than it had been a few moments earlier when he saw the little boy running to him. Confused, Casper wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do when the kid latched himself around Casper’s leg. The confusion only grew more as the kid spoke. Though, ‘Kid’ wasn’t really the right term now, was it? His name was Desmond. Just like Casper’s father. Desmond Casper Valentine Fritz. Casper felt his world shift on it’s axis as he looked down at the child. He was four… him and Izzie had been divorced for, god, if he actually thought about it, a little over four and a half years. The blue eyes looking up at him, they weren’t the clear, sky blue that Izabelle had. They were a darker shade, speckled with small flecks of green. They were Casper’s eyes. He blinked, not saying anything as he looked at the kid. His kid. No… no that couldn’t be it. Izzie would have told him, she would not have kept this to herself. But the evidence that she had was looking up at him. Even beyond the name and the eyes, Casper could see things he hadn’t noticed from further away, the shape of his mouth, the arch of his brow. He felt his stomach drop more, and was sure that if he had a mirror, he’d see his own face pale.



The boy let him go, and ran off back to his mom. It took a moment, but Casper got his voice back. “ Izabelle, wait!” he croaked out, taking a few hurried steps in her direction. His emotions, already muddled because of the chance encounter with her, were in utter chaos now. He wasn’t sure if he was about to start yelling or crying, or just laughing hysterically. Maybe a little of all three. The situation was just so completely surreal, so utterly unbelievable, that he didn’t even know where he was supposed to start. Another glance at the child told him whatever flip out he was going to have, it couldn’t be now, not in front of the kid. He was utterly flabbergasted, how she could keep something from him, something this important, he had no idea. This was way worse than if she’d gotten knocked up by someone shortly after they divorced, a million times worse. “ I think that maybe we do need to catch up. Seems that there are probably a lot of things you need to tell me… sooner rather than later.” he kept his voice calm, though he was anything but.[/size]

[Izabelle "Izzie" Fritz]

Izzie had held her hand out, and Desmond grabbed it as they began walking again. Izzie was just about to come up with some excuse for him not to eat another cookie, because he actually wanted her son to sleep tonight, when she heard her ex-husband call out to her. She stopped, and turned to look at him, meanwhile their son was looking from his mother to the strange man walking hurriedly towards him. He tugged on her hand. "Mommy?" He wasn't use to his mommy talking to random people then telling him to go hug a stranger. His mommy had said don't trust strangers. Why was he mommy trusting this stranger? And why did he knows his mommy's name? A million questions ran through his little mind, and as soon as he got his mother's attention he'd ask them.

Izzie nodded at Casper's words. She'd gotten what she wanted.. right? Casper knew the kid was his, not some random guys, but now the secret she'd kept from Casper for four years was out. Maybe this was a good thing.. Izzie didn't so much want Casper to be the father, not because she didn't love him but because of how he made her feel about wanting kids at all and especially the way he made her feel about wanting him to start a family with him. She thought he would change after they got married and want the whole thing, not only her but mini hers, little mini hims. The big house in the suburbs with a mini van and they'd have picnics at the lake on fourth of July and take family vacations but he didn't change, he still didn't want kids and how was a woman suppose to react when the person she'd chosen to spend her life with said he didn't want kids, not no but hell no the even the thought? What woman didn't want children with the man she fell in love with? It wasn't even like they were incapable of having children, there wasn't anything wrong with them, just they wouldn't have kids, ever. Because Casper was a close-minded, selfish asshole who couldn't see past his own wants of being some big shot artist. Or at least that's what Izzie told herself.

But it would be a good thing because of Desmond.. Not the small one standing next to her but Casper's father. Izzie had adored his parents, and not a single holiday went by that Izzie wasn't wishing she and her son were at the Fritz's for dinner instead of the Richardson's.

"Mommy!"

Izzie was pulled out of her thoughts, realizing she'd been staring into Casper's eyes and just on a whole different world. Dammit, she hated when she did that. She looked down at her son, then at the love of her life. "Give me a minute?" It wasn't really a question, she just put it in question form to be polite. She looked over to the student that had been playing with Desmond before. She chucked the ball at him to get his attention, and he looked up with a raised eyebrow. Izzie pointed at the kid beside her, then the ball, asking the kid if he'd play with Desmond for a little bit without actually saying anything. The kid nodded, and Izzie turned to her child. "You stay where I can see you, and you can hear me if I call for me. Understood?" Desmond nodded excitedly, completely forgetting about mister stranger man and he took off to go play soccer with the older kid. Izzie walked, making sure he was okay, then turned to Casper once again. "... Let's go sit down." Because this was going to be a long.. long talk, she felt like. She moved and walked over the the bleachers, sitting on the bottom one, where she could easily get to her son if he got hurt. She sat down and waited patiently for Casper to get him things, and come over and start talking to her and telling her how wrong she was for keeping this from him.

[casperfritz]

Casper waited as Izzie sent off her son to play with some student. Was that right? Was it her son, or their son? No, he wasn’t going to think like that, not right now. The boy may share his name and DNA, but when Izzie chose to keep his existence from Casper, it pretty much ruled out the option of the boy being ‘theirs’. He still couldn’t fathom how she could do that, lie to him, lie to her kid. Casper didn’t want kids, never had, still didn’t in fact, there was no denying that. Something that Izzie knew all along, since it was something he was quite vocal about. It wasn’t about him or her, it just wasn’t something he had any desire for. He thought Izzie was the same, they had discussed it for god’s sake, before they were married. She agreed with him, or he thought she had at least. It’s not his damn fault she changed her mind about it, became obsessed with the idea of popping out little clones. He assumed this is where they would never agree, who’s fault was the divorce really? She probably thought he was the worlds biggest dick, and maybe he was. But she was just as much to fault, being so damn single minded and selfish in her own right. Was he supposed to give up everything he wanted, just because she’d suddenly gotten it in her head that she wanted babies ,pronto? He shook his head, no, he was getting off topic. This wasn’t about all that. This was about the little boy she’d chosen to never tell him about.



He watched as she walked over to the bleachers and sat down. Casper went back and retrieved his things before walking back to where she was sitting. He dropped the pencils and pad onto the metal benches, but didn’t sit down at first. He started pacing the ground in front of her, trying to come up with a place to start. He ran a hand through his hair, leaving the dark blonde strands sticking up, disheveled, in spots. He finally stopped walking and made himself look at her. He opened his mouth, but nothing came out. There were things he wanted to say, oh yes, there was plenty of accusations and curses he wanted to throw out. Four years ago he would have let it all spill out. But he’d grown a little since then, and while he may feel like he would be justified in screaming and ranting and yelling, he knew he didn’t actually need to. Lord only knows how long that resolve would last for, grown up or not, Casper was still known to have a bit of a short fuse and a flair for dramatics. He let out a sigh, running his hand into his hair again, messing it up further. “ What the hell Izzie? Is that… is he…” Casper looked over to where the child was happily kicking a soccer ball around with the older student and shook his head. “ He’s mine, isn’t he? ” he said quietly before looking back to his ex. “Well? He is, right? Nice little surprise, huh? Hey Casper, long time no see, hey by the way, I had a baby I decided to keep secret from you, and well, I wasn’t planning on saying anything, but since you’re here, isn’t he sweet? Christ Izzie” he snapped a little.

[Izabelle "Izzie" Fritz]

While Casper paced, Izzie focused on breathing. This was okay and she would be okay, she just had to hold her head up high, sit up straight, shoulders back and ooze confidence. That plan was shot to shit as soon as Casper started speaking, though. Was this dickhead seriously asking if Desmond was his? No, she got knocked up by some other guy, had his baby, then named it after Casper and his father. Oh, and keeping his last name was just for shits and giggles, not so that Desmond could have it or anything, just that she was being a bitch. Then he kept talking, and his words didn't make her feel any better. This wasn't her fault. It just wasn't. That's not how it worked, he didn't get to say it was her fault because it wasn't her fault... Okay maybe it was a little her fault.

She stared down at her hands for a moment, then looked up at him. "Not sure what you want me to say, here, Casper. Was I suppose to tell you so you could be an asshole to me and my child? You didn't want him, and when I found out.." She looked away again, this was going to be the hardest thing to tell him, and she knew she'd just make him madder. "I was.. about a month and a half along, and we'd already agreed to get divorced. I didn't want to trap you into a marriage you didn't want to be in and weren't happy in just because we were having a child together. I was already packing up. I was already spending most of my nights at my parents. It was a loosing battle, and I knew you'd end up resenting me in the end if I made you stay because of Desmond. I figured it was win win for both of us, you got to chase your dreams without me holding you back.. and I got a child, and I'm a good mother, Casper." She looked back at him then. "I raised him on my own, it's not like I ran out and just another guy as soon as you signed the papers. I've not even.. been with another guy. I don't want to bring a man into my life, if they don't want Desmond, because he deserves a loving father. Not someone who never wanted him."

[casperfritz]

Casper resumed his pacing when Izzie started to speak. Pacing was good. It kept him moving, and kept his mind from whirling around at a hundred miles per hour. He let out a little scoff, shaking his head when she said that he hadn't wanted a child, but he let her continue, getting what she needed to say out. He stopped pacing when she appeared to be done talking and looked down, his eyes still stormy. “ You know, about a year back, a girl I dated for a few months called me up, let me know she had been diagnosed with genital warts, wanted to give me a heads up so I could go get checked. I didn't F*cking want those either, but she still had the decency to call me and tell me it was a god damn possibility.” he said bitterly. Ok, so maybe he hadn't needed to throw in the fact that he'd dated people since her, not right after she said she hadn't been with anyone since the divorce. But it was clearly different for her. She had a baby that she could use to fill the hole from their marriage. He didn't, he'd been looking for someone who could fill it. Just because he hadn't managed to four years later was beside the point.

Casper sighed heavily, finally sitting down a few feet away from her, his hands in his hair and his elbows on his knees. “ I don't doubt your a good mom Izzie... but.. you should have told me. This isn't like not mentioning buying a new pair of shoes, it's a kid for Christ sakes. he said simply, the anger had gone out of his voice, like so many other times, Casper flared up, but it subsided quickly. Now he just sounded defeated. Because even if she was wrong for not telling him, she had a point. They were already divorcing, would her being pregnant have made him stay? Where would they be now? Hating each other? Living in some plastic looking suburbia with a mini van? Though the dig that he wouldn't have been a loving father hurt. Sure he hadn't wanted kids, but if it had happened, when things were still good between them, an accident, he would have taken to the whole thing, wouldn't he? Been the best dad he could be? He lifted his head to look over at the small boy kicking around a soccer ball. He liked to think so. But this, after the months of fighting about children, there was no way he would have believed it was an accident. Maybe she was right, she was right about a lot of things. “ You still should have told me.... if our paths hadn't just passed coincidentally, would have ever actually said anything?”[/size]

[Izabelle "Izzie" Fritz]

Izzie made a face as he told her about the girl with genital warts. That just made her feel so damn special, for him to go out and act like a teenager and f*ck everything that moved after they got divorced. Really, she could see now he truly had loved her, just so flipping much apparently. Had she really married Casper, a guy who would get casual phone calls about "hey, get yourself checked out, you make have genital warts". And who was she F*cking that had genital warts, and then screwing Casper? It was all gross. Casper needed to scrub his dick clean like.. right now. "You have genital warts? How lovely." She really.. really could have gone without that information for the rest of her life. Casper could have taken that to his grave.

She just shook her head at his next set of words. He didn't get it. He didn't F*cking get how bad he'd hurt her. He thought she wanted to had to keep this from him? Because she didn't. She would have loved nothing more than you see that second line and get all excited and run into Casper's arm while telling him the news that he was going to be a daddy. But the fights.. the words.. everything he had said to her, about her, about children.. It cut her, and the scars were still there. Then his next question came. That was an easy answer. "No because you're a dick, Casper." Okay, maybe a little harsh but.. It hurt to even look at him because all she could remember were those stupid freaking fights. "Why would I tell you? I'm sure genital warts girl didn't have to here you yell at her because she was a F*cking idiot for wanting something, and how you didn't want to be in her life if all she wanted was some kid to dress up like a barbie doll. I'm sure she didn't have to feel like less of a F*cking human being because she didn't want to do watch the love of her life fail at doing something. Because maybe it would have broken her heart to see him try and to see his dreams get crushed. I wanted to support you, Casper... and yeah I guess I'm sorry I didn't, but that doesn't mean you had to treat me the way you did.." Izzie looked away, blinking rapidly to keep the tears at bay. "Do you want in his life or not, Casper? If you want in, I'll let you see him and hang out with him, but he won't know you're his father until I know I can trust you. Getting me to fall in love with you might have been easy for you... Getting me to trust you with my son won't be, and it might never happen."

[casperfritz]

Casper couldn't help but raise his head, rolling his eyes at her comment. “ Christ, Izzie, I don't have genital warts, I was making a damn point.” he said exasperatedly. How quickly it began, the bickering, the arguing. He wasn't going to feel bad about it, they were fricking divorced and he'd been in a relationship. It wasn't his fault she hadn't tried to move on at all.

He looked over at her as she began to speak, biting down on his lip to keep from yelling out at her. Was she kidding? Was this some sort of horrible joke? She was the one who lied, not him, and she thought she could take some kind of moral high ground with him? Like he was the asshole, because he hadn't wanted the same things that she did, and somehow that made him a bad person? Screw that. Screw that, and screw her. He wasn't about to let her play this ridiculous drama out like it was his fault and he was some kind of big bad villain. There was a time when her tears, or her fight to keep them inside, would have moved him. Right now it only served to make him angry. He was quiet for a minute when she stopped speaking, his jaw tight. “ Don't you F*cking dare try to play that game with me Izzie. It was a two way F*cking street, and you were just as bad as I was, so don't paint me like I'm some kind of monster for wanting what I wanted. Don't you F*cking dare. If I am a dick, so are you, so don't act like some god damn martyr. ” he shook his head contemptuously. “ So, first off, grow the hell up. Her name was Anna, not 'genital warts girl', so don't act like some whiny little high school girl, she was a F*cking lawyer and we dated for four months, get off your high horse. Secondly, you have got a hell of a lot of nerve, talking to me about trust. When you were the one who's been keeping a not so little secret. I don't need to prove a damn thing to you, I have never betrayed your trust, not while we were together, not after the divorce. And frankly, at this moment, I don't even want to prove myself to you. I don't question that you are a good mother, but the way you're acting? I don't have an ounce of respect for you right now, and I couldn't give a damn about what you think of me.” he said harshly. He paused his diatribe to look over to where little Desmond was playing. “ As for being in his life. I don't know. You can't spring shit like this on me, out of nowhere, and expect me to jump up and down, begging you to let me in. I don't know if I want to be in his life, I don't know if I want to be anywhere near your life. My world doesn't go on pause just because you show up out of the blue. I have a lot of things going on right now, and this is going to take me some time to figure out. So, I guess right now, my response to your demands, is 'shove it'. Despite what you may think, you don't get to make those demands on me, not anymore. When I've thought about it, then I'll let you know.”[/size]

[Izabelle "Izzie" Fritz]

As Izzie listened to Casper she just kept getting angrier and angrier. She just wanted to slap him, but she knew that wouldn't end well. He just didn't even care how bad his words hurt her she was just going to keep screaming at her like she was the bad guy. And maybe she was the mad guy. She didn't care if she was the bad guy, or Casper was, she just didn't give a crap anymore and all Casper needed to do was stop yelling. When he was done she stood up. "I'm sorry for almost five years I kept this from you. But you know now, and because you're pissed off at me your first reaction isn't 'yes, I'd like to get to know my son' so what I'm not sorry about, is protecting my son. It's not like I told him you were dead or anything, so if he ever asked to see you I would have told you, and seen if I could get you guys in contact. I was just hoping he'd never ask for you." She let the tears fall, looking straight at him.

Izzie wasn't sorry about anything she just said. She didn't care if he thought she was on a high horse. Hadn't it been him that was convinced she was going to cheat on him just to have a child, and now.. divorced and meeting again and it was him who'd moved on, not her. But no, she was still the bad guy. "Don't talk to me, or my son ever again. I can't believe I ever loved you.. that I was still F*cking in love with you until about five F*cking seconds ago. Go back to whatever the hell is going on right now, I wish you the best of luck." Then she turned and made her way down the bleachers again, calling out Desmond's name, and scooping him up once her got close enough, and she began walking to the school again, then time not even giving Casper so much as a glance back. He might think she was stupid, or immature, or being a brat but to her.. he'd just shoved off all parental rights, and that hurt more than anything he'd ever said to her before.